POC Blog

The random technotheolosophical blogging of Reid S. Monaghan

Headaches, Pain, Despair, and the Soul

Yesterday, our family flew to North Carolina to enjoy the Christmas Holiday with my wife's parents and brother. It was an early morning drive to the airport and then off on the Southwest flight to Raleigh. I had been a little sick the last few weeks, but had pushed through to continue work and family responsibilities - being there for my kids etc. On the flight, I guess infected sinuses and changes in air pressure caused some intense extreme pain in my face. Although lasting only a minute or so, it was some of the craziest pain I have had in my life. Later last evening I developed somewhat of a sinus migraine and attempted to go to be early - real early for me...what would have been about 7pm CST. I laid in bed and realized the intense connection of soul and body - my body was in extreme discomfort and I contemplated the state of my life, my calling before God, and where our family was in its growth and development. In thinking about such things there was nothing but a dark cloud before me - a haze amidst the blessings of God. I knew that my heart was not apprehending reality due to my headaches, but it was quite a learning experience to be so affected in body that I could not see like with any sort of clarity. I laid in bed for a couple of hours before rising again to be with my inlaws (I love my inlaws so it was easy to get up to spend some time). After some sinus - knock your butt out to sleep medicine, I did get rest. Then this morning I was still feeling quite bad, so I took most of the day to read the Bible, a great biography of Jim Elliot and turn again my heart to the contemplation of my life before God. Well, with the headache gone, I did find a bit more to be thankful for, a bit more to rejoice in, and a bit more peace. Yet, I still am not at rest completely. I tend to bite off way too many duties in life -perhaps to feel adequate, perhaps a desire to be needed or to be important. Either way, I felt a great peace today reading about God's sovereign hand in the life of Job and in the life of Jim Elliot. I felt a great kinship to Elliot - a man who was wrestling with calling, desiring to be great (and confessing the sick pride involved with that), and just wanting his life to be used by his God. I guess this past 24 hours have been good. I guess I still want to be used greatly for the Kingdom of Christ...I guess I still need God to trample on my pride...I guess I still don't know what to do in the next five years of my life...but Elliots words helped me today. He gives enough to know what to do for today. Yes, enough...even with headaches. ...