Oct 16, 2006
The New York Times is running an article based on a survey designed to estimate the number of married households as a percentage of the population. For the first time the data they have shows married households making up less than a majority of American households.
The interesting thing in the piece was the typical blah, blah, blah about the marriage "test drive" known as cohabitation. The end of the article reads:
“Even cohabiting young adults tell us that they are doing so because it would be unwise to marry without first living together in a society marked by high levels of divorce,” Ms. Smock said.
A number of couples interviewed agreed that cohabiting was akin to taking a test drive and, given the scarcity of affordable apartments and homes, also a matter of convenience. Some said that pregnancy was the only thing that would prompt them to make a legal commitment soon. Others said they never intended to marry. A few of those couples said they were inspired by solidarity with gay and lesbian couples who cannot legally marry in most states.
Jennifer Lynch, a 28-year-old stage manager in New York, said she had lived on the Lower East Side with her boyfriend, who is 37 and divorced, for most of the five years they have been a couple.
“Cohabitating is our choice, and we have no intention to be married,” Ms. Lynch said. “There is little difference between what we do and what married people do. We love each other, exist together, all of our decisions are based upon each other. Everyone we care about knows this.”
If anything, she added, “not having the false security of wedding rings makes us work even a little harder.”
When this is stacked up next to the reality that cohabiting couples seem to separate at a higher rate than those who did not shack up, you can see a sad deception being perpetuated today (See Rutger's Univ Study on Marriage and Cohabitation). Unfortunately the people ravaged by such popular "try before you buy" mythologies are the women who give it all up to some knucklehead guy without any commitment. And when the boy will not grow up, commit, be a good dad...she is puzzled. She should know better and find a real man.
Comments
Agreed! This article is one of the best treatments of the issue that I have seen: http://www.jennifer-roback-morse.com/articles/cohab_fast_facts.html
Posted by: W. E. Messamore | October 16, 2006 06:53 PM
Great link - thanks for sending that on...
Posted by: Reid Monaghan | October 17, 2006 05:17 PM
Reid, So interesting you would post this att his time. I was talking with a friend here in Czech the other day. A friend who is very close to the gospel and I have been sharing with for several years. In the course of our conversation he said to me, "I don't understand how you can know a marriage will work if you do not live together beforehand." Then he told me again of a past relationship of his where everything was great until they began to live together and then it became clear they were not right for each other. It was my second such conversation this week. In neither conversation was the authority of scripture given any credibility as they are not yet Christians and do not see the Bible as authoritative. And in neither conversation did those I was talking to beleive me when I told them the statistics for rate of divorce among those who live together before marriage. I was left telling them that marriage is about a commitment to stay together regardless of what happens and that commitment has been lost today. While that answer satisfies me, and left my friends with something to ponder, it still feels insufficient for todays culture. It is clear from your post that America is going the way of Europe. Live together until kids are on the way, then marry for the tax advantage. A sad state that will not give any solid foundation to our societies. How else can we address this with our friends?
Posted by: Billy Crossan | October 18, 2006 03:53 AM
Billy, did you read the link that W.E. Messamore left above? It is quite helpful...
I find this little paragraph to be very good ground for conversation:
No one can simulate self-giving. Half a commitment is no commitment. Cohabiting couples have one foot out the door, throughout the relationship. They rehearse not trusting. The social scientists that gather the data do not have an easy way to measure this kind of dynamic inside the relationship.
The list of results in this article are also very helpful...and very sad. Europe is a bit further down the road. Unfortunately, the "normal" in some societies is that which is silently, slowly, rending that culture. You know my opinions on Europe...unless Europe returns to the gospel, erosion will continue.
The signs of implosion are everywhere...and it will be gradual, perhaps not cataclysmic. Birth rates are lower than replacement rates in almost all European societies, aging societies with huge welfare states, Muslim immigrants who are not assimilating into "postmodern, believe nothing, self centered, post Christian materialistic culture"
Europe needs Jesus, Europe needs truth, Europe needs marriage, Europe needs more children raised to love Jesus. Godspeed to your mission and ministry...Godspeed to the churches of the Czech Republic.
I'm going to say a prayer right now for the guys you are sharing with...and for Mrs. Crossanova and your children. Much love brother
Reid
Posted by: Reid Monaghan | October 18, 2006 10:32 AM