POC Blog

The random technotheolosophical blogging of Reid S. Monaghan

Dearly Beloved We Are Gathered Here Today

I have been doing so many weddings this year and really enjoying the rich symbolism of Christian marriage.  Then I thought to myself the other day: what could a thoroughly consistent, 100% naturalistic, Darwinian wedding service sound like? So I figured I would humor myself and have a little fun. 

The high priest of unbelief, the Right Reverend Richard Dawkins presiding of course.  You may be seated.

Specialized hominids, we are gathered here today to observe a socially evolved meme of pair bonding among of our species.  The years of mutation and selection have given us the general wisdom that pair-bonded members of our clans represent a successful evolutionary social adaptation for the rearing of our progeny. 

Our selfish genes move us to appreciate these occasions as we feel the safety coming from young offspring which will care for us and protect us from predators in our old age.

Even though we now deny the wisdom of eons of evolution that taught us that monogamous pair-bonding is the best way, we now know that we do not need such arrangements in our enlightened age.  We should do away with this oppressive institution (which evolutionary ethics developed as good) and reinvent a better way with our own individual wisdom. 

In fact, if mates of the same sex desire to pair-bond, we affirm this fully - for the evolved consensus of prior ethics must be wrong.  A less adaptable meme which must die. We love to base our cherished institutions on evolutionary ethical theory - but then again we can reject them any time we want.

In fact, I'm not really sure what we are here for, but these two hominids desire to participate in this antiquated social arrangement.  So we are happy and we celebrate this with them.  May they be happy and be fruitful and multiply fit progeny - but only if they want to, and if it doesn't take too many resources from their lifestyle, and if we all agree we are not overpopulating the planet.  On second thought, they better not breed.  

So I suppose we have an occasion today to have a party and our genes desire it - perhaps it will lead to more pair-bonding - who knows why, but we can do this again until we lose the will to exist.  Then we will allow the religious meme to dominant once again - for those mastered by this persistent idea have many more offspring than we.

What our genes have deemed for today, let no one separate - in the name of quantum fluctuations, spontaneous generation, and self-replicating systems, Amen.

The newly bonded couple now invites you to their open bar to get really drunk with them.  Thank you for coming. 

Personally, I still think the beauty of Christian marriage is much more inspiring...